In reality, I strive to be a woman. I look for creative ways to be strong and assertive without losing my femininity. I am concerned with how my behavior is perceived by others.
I am constantly involved in:
- Community building
- Networking
- Maintaining of relationships
- Organizing events
- Throwing parties
Ceasing to live according to social expectations
Ideally, I would like a dynamic genderless identity - an identity that encompasses fundamental human traits. I wish to create my identity and construct my self without the constant awareness of the gender categorizations.
I am actively producing gender-specific behavior by:
- Collaborating
- Supporting
- Assisting
- Cooperating
I do not wish to be defined by the traditional female experience
The gender identity I especially wish to avoid is a classic female identity, with mere features of empathy, kindness, motherly compassion and understanding. I do not want to live up to the social expectation and project an intuitive, nurturing personality.
- I try to no longer feel accountable for my unwomanly conduct
- While communicating I am being direct
- I am willing to be logical than yielding or pleasing during the process of reasoning
I am a product of my culture!
In my culture, there are distinctive and separate roles for the males and the females, reinforced by a set of qualities and attitudes that define femaleness and maleness. I was taught that femininity is not an object; it cannot be lost. It is what a woman is. It is a part of woman’s identity.
As a woman, I constantly deal with the tension between the traditional female role of homemaking and my career and education, in order to maintain the necessary creative balance.
The connection between gender identity and existential situations
My gender identity is revealed in the situations in which I am placed. It is through specific circumstances and events that my femininity is enacted.
However:
- I never ask for directions
- I don’t enjoy shopping for shoes
- I am rarely emotional
- I don’t share secrets with my mother
- I say what I think
Meryl Streep is My Gender Model
Because she demonstrates the “ability to plunge into her characters and lose herself inside of them, transforming herself physically to meet the demands of her roles.”1 Streep can be plain or glamorous and radiant; she can be a woman or a man.
1 Brennan, Sandra. “Meryl Streep: Full Biography.” The New York Times. 5 Sept. 2010
That’s the way it is meant to be!
I encountered the following enforced messages that
sustained and rendered my social reality. The first
three were advice given to the bride at a marriage
ceremony:
“The husband is the head of the wife and the wife must be subservient to the husband.”
“A man is to be the head of the house and a good provider.”
“If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.”
“A woman is judged more by her appearance than by her performance.”
“A woman’s place is in the kitchen.”
“A woman should be feminine for the man to be masculine.”
The essence of being a
woman The following are the activities in which I
participate that support my being a woman:
- Gift-wrapping and color-coordinating
- Smiling and nodding while listening
- Including a “smiley face” in my notes
- Putting an exclamation mark in “Thank You!”
- Designing and decorating
- Taking photos and sharing online albums
- Attending baby and bridal showers
- Remembering the birthdays and anniversaries
- Wearing glorious long dresses
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